Summer is drawing to an end.. And let's be honest.. It's been nothing like what I had expected. Working full-time, hardly having any interactions with people outside of work. The best night of my week being either the night working with my favorite co-worker or the night the seniors brought in cake. One week before heading back and all I am is excited, excited to be spending my time doing things I love, or at least ones that bring me closer to things I want. Having a social life, exploring my freedom, and all those things.
Excited to have a place I can call my own, even if it is just rented and shared with 2 others, it's new, it's exciting, it's a responsibility, and it's something I'm prepared for. Excited to budget, to learn, to grow. Excited to experience, to create, to live. Excited for classes, for late nights, for assignments, for good talks, new friends, new adventures, and life.
Terrified, terrified that what I know will completely come to an end, instead of transitioning out, leaving a few things intact. Terrified that we won't be able to withstand the challenges presented to us this year. Terrified that some of the academic challenges are things I won't be able to rise to. Terrified I won't have the money, the determination, won't be prepared for the independence. Terrified I'll know less and less of the things I want and more and more of the things I don't. Terrified old ties will go and nwe ones won't form.
I'd like to say I'm completely ready for this year, but I know I'm not. That doesn't take away from the excitement at all. This is where I want to be, where I need to be, where I'm being called and where I will find the most joy. Maybe the path getting there won't be exactly the one I want, and maybe I'll face challenges I couldn't imagine, or ones I've feared forever. But no matter how it is, I'm ready for this. Ready to find and create myself, explore, grow together (or apart) and learn.
YAY REDUNDANCY AND CONTRADICTIONS!
"I just need to know that I can come back
I need to know, I only need to know that
You'll be here when I come back home"
~ All Those Nights by Chase Coy
