Church, travel, microwaves, snow, colour, and health.

The 6 things listed in my title are my thankful things for the 6 days since the last post. But I'm going to not really talk about them now.

 

You know those moments when you have no idea what you're supposed to do? There are multiple things you need to get done, but you just can't seem to prioratize them properly. Or there are two sick shows the same night, you want to see both but you just can't be in 2 places at once (I know, hard to imagine when you live in Western Canada). Or even just trying to balance your time with all of the stuff we tend to take on in our society along with time to be alone and just chill or be in prayer or just listen, all that stuff.

 

I guess I feel like that is my whole life right now, I'm having trouble just sitting down for a while, even though I definitely seem to have enough time to do so. Focus isn't coming easily so every little task spreads out WAY longer than it should. Most people who know me well aren't going to think this is any different than usual, and really it isn't. At all. I'm just starting to really notice it, whereas before that was just how it is and I didn't mind. Now it's all like.. It's like this, I don't want it to be like this.. Let's change it.. *thinks about it for a couple minutes, then gets distracted by something*..

 

I guess the big thing is that I'm really noticing this being detrimental to my interactions with people, I have trouble focussing on the conversation, or spreading out the time I have among various people. Even writing this, I started almost an hour ago, but got really distracted for a while and starte doing other stuff, then returned to it and repeated that process multiple times. So either this is going to be really disconnected or I'm pretty much a genius. I think I'm done now because all my thought on this topic is ither gone or already typed up.

 

"Rushing and racing and running in circles,
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose.
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning,
Getting nowhere"
~ Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum

7 more things I'm thankful for..

Since it's been a week here's a list of 7 more things I'm thankful for.

1. My literacy. I love to read, and I definitely don't mind writing. Trying to learn another language last semester made me appreciate it all the more.
2. I am not blind. Though I've always wondered what it would be like, I don't want to be blind.
3. I am not deaf. Ties in with music, and education.
4. The relative freedom in our society, I can go to church freely, generally share my views on things, and participate in various things without someone else choosing them for me.
5. FOOD! Man, I love food. And really appreciate that I can have 3 meals, and even snacks daily if I so choose, which I usually do. Even though CJs is iffy at best.
6. My family, sure, I don't get along with them all the time and they're frustrating at times. But I'm so glad I have them.
7. My friends. I don't like being lonely, but I do like having time alone. I've found myself wonderful friends who understand that, even those who don't agree with me. I've been able to keep in touch with many from Breton and have managed to make some new ones here. Or just get closer to ones I kinda already had.

"Dear friends, sometimes I know the world can get you down,

Just know I'll always be around
And working on it

And even when the night seems darkest,
And hope is far away,
I'll be right beside you on that day

No matter where our lives take us
Even if we end up different places
I promise I'll always answer when you call."
~ Jeanette by Chase Coy

I feel like I need to find something more exciting.. Hmm.. O! Idea! Wait for it.....

Ongaku

Currently in my itunes library are 11760 songs, along with 698 music-oriented podcasts. I have completed my grade 8 piano, with honours on the exam. Anyone who knows me well will have discovered I listen to a extremely wide variety of music. They likely will also have noticed that I am pretty much constantly either listening to music or have some form of it stuck in my head. Instead of fabricating my own words, you will often hear me quoting various songs directly in conversations. I guess it can be said I'm a music-lover, or something.

I am so thankful that I have music, all the forms in which it is available here and the lack of censorship in it. I strongly believe in the freedom of the individual, and part of that is the ability to express themselves. Some are unable to properly do so through other means and thus use music. Others use it as an outlet. And still others just enjoy its presence. Of course there are those who really are indifferent and don't actually enjoy music. I have never really understood these people, but to each their own.

This one is getting a little bit everywhere, right now I have both too few and too many thoughts going through my mind and so nothing is processing properly. So of course my antidote to that is to tune out the world and listen to some good songs until the thoughts process themselves. I was reading in my psych textbook last night that we actually make "better" decisions through automatic processing ("unconscious" thought) than councious thought. Likely because when we are actively thinking about a decision we are unable to take all of the information into account. So I'm going to test this theory and just not make any decisions for a while. Sounds logical, right?

Well, I guess I will leave off here. Always remember that music is good, censorship isn't always, and to not think about important decisions.

"This is on the rise music, this is novelty music.
This is who can blame music, I don't get fooled by it.
This is where'd you go music, this is come home music.
This is down to the wire, I'm such a perfect angel music.
Who really tries?"
~ Song Away by Hockey

Another Brick in the Wall

I've been back at the university for around a week now, and I must say there are elements that I love as well as elements that I hate. The new classes are exciting, until you find out you got "that" prof. Stepping out on your own is wonderful, until you realize how much life really costs. Getting away from old ties is so freeing, until you realize you wanted to keep them and really aren't all that good at making new ones. There's those assignments that you are actually excited for, but then there's the ones that you are dreading with every aspect of your being. No one heads into university expecting to love every minute of it, but if you choose to be there, either you are some form of masochist who enjoys inflicting pain on themselves or you do find some enjoyment within it.

That being said, I bet you can guess the next thing I am thankful for. If you can't, I guess my psychology major may help to figure you out eventually. Anyway, item number two on my list of things I am thankful for is my opportunity for eduction. I am thankful for it because I am a woman, and it wasn't all that long ago when women here could not gain the type of education which I am privileged enough to gain. Even now many girls do not have this opportunity. Now, I'm not a feminist, but I do hold strong beliefs in equality of opportunity. I am thankful for it because I am capable of learning and as a result gaining this education, I have not been held back by a brain injury or any form of disability. I am thankful for it because I have enough money to attend a higher institution, I am not held back by funds. I am thankful because I am not entirely alone, my family is both willing and able to provide support. I am thankful because I was able to choose what I wished to study and where without pressure to go any which way. I am thankful that people have gone before me who provided the opportunities to gain this knowledge. And I am thankful for the people who are willing to instruct.

I'm exteremely excited for most of my classes this semester. My professor for addictions studies is wonderful, and it seems like the material will be as well. Neuroscience and biology both have aspects to them which I do not accept, but I'm excited to gain a deeper knowledge of the other side of these things and be challenged in my beliefs. As a result I hope to be more actively seeking answers to the questions I develop. Social psychology is one I haven't decided on yet, I may fall in love with it, but it may end up just being an aspect of psychology that I rule out as something I wish to pursue. And logic, well, the prof is interesting, possibly slightly insane, but those are the best people, and the material seems interesting enough. I quite look forward to this semester.

Yes, that was an entire paragraph of reasons I am thankful for my education. Yes, it was probably boring and not something you wanted to read. Thank you captain obvious. I warned you what this was about.

"Well here we are, no one else
We walked to school all by ourselves
There's dirt on our uniforms
From chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now it's time to learn 

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
Nouns, and books, and show and tell
At playtime we will throw the ball
Back to class, through the hall
Teacher marks our height against the wall"
~ We're Gonna Be Friends by the White Stripes

Kairos

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to begin blogging. Now this was something that I always told myself I wasn't going to do. So this is quite the change of heart, but I feel like it will be good for me, so I'm starting here and we'll see where it goes.

Another decision I have come to is to see time as kairos instead of chronos. Both are Greek words meaning time, but they are 2 distinct forms of time. Chronos is where we get the idea of chronological time, doing everything in order with the purpose essentially of just getting it done, or of self-fulfillment. Whereas kairos is those in-between moments, when something special happens. Or at least this is how I have come to understand it. I wish to live my life in constant kairos, creating something special out of each day. A part of that for me is going to be living life in a way that will be pleasing to God, letting people see my Christianity in a practical way. I wish to begin to place God first, others second, and me third. it is impractical to neglect myself, as I am the vessel through which I will be doing these other things. Though I feel like it is also impractical to allow myself to be placed first, I find less joy in life in those moments when I am placing myself first. That being said, I want to see how long this is going to last, and all of you who choose to read this to keep be accountable. I'm not doing this to allow myself to be taken advantage of, but instead to bring wholeness and the light of Christ into my life. I am not intending to change the fundamentals of who I am, but that doesn't mean changes won't come about as a result. Nor am I about to go around preaching on street corners or forcing my religion unto others, some may be called this direction, but I am not. Instead I wish to share in practical means, not shy away from service or from conversation, but invite it.

The other thing I wish to do is create a list of 365 things I am thankful for. Yes, that is one for each day of the year. It may be two weeks into 2012 already, but that doesn't mean I can't start now. I guess that's my primary purpose here, to share that list as it begins to be compiled. And so, I begin today with my first thing I am thankful for as time. Which I guess can be extended to life, the ability to have it, to live it, to share it, and to appreciate it. All of which I intend to do more of, as this time is limited and precious.

So, I guess that's where we end off today.

"Dream as if you'll live forever,
Live as if you'll die today.
If these are my last words
Let them be seize the day 

Not time to freeze, not another word
Not another chance, no other day.
Deep down inside you hear the screams,
Can barley breathe and suffocate.
Now taking it for what its worth
Your hesitation leaves no patience"
~Carpe Diem by Authority Zero