Decisions

You know that moment when you have a massive decision to make and you don't know what you want or what you should do, or even if they're the same? Yup, that's pretty much all of my decisions. Usually I'm pretty good at making the bigger decisions, I know what I want, where I want to end up and usually if something I'm doing will help me get there as well as if I'll enjoy it. It's the small decisions I'm awful with, ask pretty much anyone who spends any significant amount of time with me. If it doesn't seem big enough to effect everything in my life I don't really see a point in having a real opinion about it. Sometimes there's something like that that I'm really set in doing, or determined to avoid, but usually it just doesn't matter. This time, it's a pretty big one.

All my exams will be done in less than 2 weeks, and I'll be headed home.. I think, and will be needing a full-time seasonal job. Now, here lies my important decision. I have been informed of a summer internship at Sanctuary Covenant Church in Edmonton which sounds almost perfect for me. It's right up my alley with things I enjoy doing and just seems pretty perfect, even pays well. BUT it's in Edmonton. I don't particularly want to live in Edmonton or have to rent for the summer, I was looking forward to going home. To my mom's cooking, my bed, cooking myself, a working dryer, not having to pay for laundry, and not paying rent. I think I'm going to apply and just see what happens with it, let it be. I have some sense that it's where God wants me to be, that I will be able to make some impact, that it will help me to grow. And I know I should listen to that, but it's one of those times that I'm just really not sure if it's actually something intended for me or I'm just making it up and putting myself under more pressure to take it than I would be otherwise. I know, I know, usually it's the things you want to do that may not exactly be in line that you're thinking are where you need to be when they aren't. But that's not really me. It's always been more of a need to be in places I THINK I should be, but aren't necessarily what I want or what was intended.

Then talking to Marc about this internship I was informed that Jon wants be back at camp this summer. I assumed this is mostly because no one really wants to day camp job and I did a pretty good job at it. I did really enjoy it though at times it was hard, and I would love to go back. But at the same time, I don't know if that's where I should be this year. I know it isn't the kind of money I need with being in school, but camp has never been about the money, and it still wouldn't be.

Then there's the prospect of getting a "real job" and staying at home and whatnot which is also super appealing. And I already said that I would be reffing in Breton, which I guess I can do wherever I am since I get reimbursed for the gas money and whatnot. It's just a lot of driving and whatever. But guess no matter what I'm doing there will be something good to come out of it. So I shall let it be and we shall see.

"Will you rise above?
The day will come to make a choice.
The day will come to make a decision.

Don't say I didn't warn you.
Stand your ground.
Stand your ground."
~ Decisions by a Bullet for Pretty Boy